The Complexity of Parent-Child Communication

I am sure most of us have experienced some of these scenarios before:

• Our parents scolding us for spending so much of money even though we believed that we did not do so. We repeatedly explain ourselves to them but they just do not seem to understand. As a result, we feel that it is pointless to explain anything to them, and we extend this perception to every disagreement that we have with them.
• Our parents nagging us for not doing the housework, even though we have already informed them that we have an exam the following day, apart from the numerous projects that we have to complete.
• Sometimes when our parents asked us to do something and we happened to be busy at the moment, we tell them that we would do it later. For some reason, they kept on insisting that we do it now, instead of later, and we just could not understand what the hurry is.
• Some of our fathers, the moment they come back from work, would either sit in front of the television or read the newspapers. It is as if they are not interested to talk to us at all. When we ask them questions, they tell us to ask our mothers.
• Most of find it awkward to show affection to our parents, particularly our fathers. Hugging them is like the strangest thing that you could do.

When we were still in our diapers and we have yet to learn how to talk, we communicated with our parents through hugs, kisses and even tears sometimes. When we started saying our first words, our parents were so excited we called them "mama" and "papa". As we continue growing up, our verbal skills kept on developing and some of us would talk so much that our parents wished that we could just keep quiet for awhile. Then we hit adolescence - and all the hugs, kisses and even talking stopped. The moment we return from school, we go straight to our rooms, shut the door and turn on the computer.

So what actually happened here? How did our communication with our parents reached such a stage? When we still small and could not even speak properly, we communicated more with our parents. Then when we grew up and our verbal skills developed, we communicated with them less. It seems that at some point in our lives, which we do not know exactly when, some invisible barrier is formed between us and our parents. This barrier became a hindrance to our communication with them. Even when we do try to talk to them, we always end up feeling that they just do not understand what we are saying and as a result, we give up the idea of telling them anything at all. Here we learn that better verbal skills does not necessarily guarantee better communication.

Besides that, this barrier also creates a sense of distance between us and our parents. Hugs and kisses, which we used to do when we were little, became awkward. Have we asked ourselves, ever since when it became awkward? Why should it be unusual for us to show affection to those who raised and brought us up? Showing affection, I believe, is one of the most effective ways of communicating your love to those whom you really care about. There may be times when someone tells us that they love us and we just do not feel convinced initially. However, their actions, especially the little things that they do for us, proves their sincerity and we feel touched by them. More often than not, these little non-verbal acts speak and communicate a great volume of how much we really care about someone.

All in all, I just want to conclude by saying that no matter what communication barriers there may be between you and your parents, they can always be overcomed by this thing called initiative. Whether verbal or non-verbal, formal or non-formal, communication is a powerful tool in conveying what is really in our hearts and minds to one another, so make use of it today to tell not only your parents but your loved ones how much you really love them and how much they mean to you. If you do not communicate it to them, they may never know.